


break my heart

by jia_yang



Category: Law & Order: SVU
Genre: F/M, Fluff, Friends With Benefits, Mutual Pining
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2019-01-27
Updated: 2019-01-30
Packaged: 2019-10-17 11:12:38
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 2
Words: 1,503
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/17559290
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/jia_yang/pseuds/jia_yang
Summary: rollins and carisi are secretly having casual sex. for carisi that's 2 secrets he's gotta keep from everyone at work now.





	1. Chapter 1

**Author's Note:**

> titled after break my heart by benny blanco  
> "don't call me a friend, you know it's more than that"

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> rollins and carisi are in the beginnings of a fwb relationship, based on s19e14.

“Weren’t you wearing that same suit yesterday?”

Carisi sputters. “My, um… my dry cleaner shut down.”

“Oh, that’s too bad.” Rollins says dismissively. “I thought you might be getting laid.”

Unable to think up a better comeback, Carisi laughs, “Don’t think too much, Rollins.”

Bewildered, he silently follows Rollins’ lead.

-

Hours later, Carisi sees Rollins in his peripheral vision, running out of the office. He watches as she checks her phone and stops in her tracks with a sigh.

“Working late tonight?” she calls out, looking up from her phone.

“Drowning in paperwork, you know?” he says off-handedly, and looks around the precinct. It’s almost entirely cleared out, and he and Rollins are the last ones in the office. “Damn.”

“I know that feeling. Case after case, but no one to go home to, huh?” she ribs him lightly, approaching his desk.

Carisi looks up, brow furrowed.

“You got a kid and a real excited dog waiting on you to walk through the door, Rollins. You don’t know the feeling.” He hates himself for saying it as soon as it’s out his mouth. “I’m sorry, I didn’t mean that. Been a long day. I’m sorry.”

Rollins almost retracts at his words, but the scoff dies in her throat as Carisi rubs his hands over his face, his tired frustration nearly tangible. He looks small, as he rolls back in his desk chair and the sharp squeak of ungreased wheels echoes in the empty precinct. Anger melts in her chest and gives way to something else, something softer. It’s just empathy, she tells herself.

She leans on the side of his desk.

“Actually, I do know the feeling.” She tosses her phone onto the desk in front of him and Carisi, lanky and awkward, rolls himself back to the desk. He reads her last text notification and she looks away from the look of pity that she anticipates and dreads from him.

“Sitter says Jesse’s asleep. Down for the night. Frannie’s been walked and everything.” Collins shakes her head, stares down at her boots. “I didn’t see my baby once today. What kinda mother am I?”

“Hey, hey.” Carisi immediately stands and grasps her shoulders firmly. “You’re good at what you do and you provide for your family. Pretty sure that makes you a kickass mother. Don’t go telling yourself otherwise, that just doesn’t make sense.”

Rollins sees in his eyes none of the pity she was dreading, but rather admiration. Pretty much the opposite, she supposes, and she laughs, knowing the sound will convey enough gratitude to let Sonny relax and let go of her shoulders.

“Speaking of stuff that don’t make sense,” he says, as casually as he can muster, “what was that all about? This morning?”

“What are you talking about?” asks Rollins.

“You know.” Sonny hesitates. “About my suit being the same. You know damn well I, uh, spent the night. Pretty sure your snoring woke me up.”

Rollins looks at him like he’s got three heads.

“Yeah, I know that. But it’s not like we want every beat cop working our crime scenes to know that.”

Sonny continues to stare at Rollins, baffled.

“There were people around. I was acting casual,” she explains. “Haven’t you ever done this before?”

“What? Have casual sex with a coworker? No, I haven’t,” says Carisi, defensive. He stands, packing up for the day.

Rollins laughs. “There’s rules, Carisi. Pretend like nothing’s going on, be professional at work.”

“What, we need rules?” Carisi rolls his eyes.

“Sure,” says Rollins. “Like, stay platonic.”

“Sure,” Carisi agrees curtly.

“Just sex.”

“Sure.”

“Just friends.”

“Sure.”

“Just friends having sex.”

“I don’t get how this could possibly need rules, Rollins. It doesn’t seem that complicated,” said Carisi, partly amused, partly annoyed. Every affirmation of their relationship being strictly platonic was like a flick in the head.

“They’re necessary!” says Rollins.

“Yeah, whatever. So that’s what you were doing this morning, huh?” asks Carisi.

“Yeah. Was just trying to be careful,” Rollins says. Carisi finishes the most aggressive zippering of a bag that she’s ever seen, and pushes his desk chair in.

“We took separate cars to work. That not careful enough?” he asks, controlled. He begins making his way to the precinct exit and Rollins, speechless, starts after him.

“Hey.” She calls to him. Carisi turns back to her, expectant, and she falters under his piercing gaze. God, she’s out of her element. Sure, casual sex she can do. Hiding naughty secrets from work and friends? Her pleasure. But it’s so weird to chase after a guy.

Not after a guy, she reminds herself. Just sex.

She pushes all this conflict aside.

“I’ll make it up to you. If you’ve got nothing better to do tonight.” Rollins self-congratulates on the most concise apology/booty call ever.

Carisi is barely able to maintain his poker face for two seconds before a dimpled smile cracks his icy glare.

“Can’t stay mad at you, Manda, you know that,” says Carisi as Amanda breathes a sigh of relief and rushes forward to meet him. As they head out of the office for the day, Carisi puts his arm around her and brings her in to his side, briefly squeezing her shoulder, and it’s almost platonic.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> should i continue this?? i have ideas but idk yet. lmk if you wanna read more of these two  
> hope u enjoyed & i'd love to hear your thoughts!


	2. Chapter 2

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> (fluff without plot)  
> rollins wants to know what carisi likes in bed.

“If we’re gonna do this, we might as well do it right,” says Rollins, breaking the silence in the car. Carisi looks up from the passenger seat, confused.

“Loop me in here, Rollins.”

“I mean, us,” she explains casually. “Having sex. On the regular. In secret. Have you forgotten? Because I can refresh--” Rollins watches in her peripheral vision as Carisi sits up straight in his seat and frantically flails to make a T with his hands: time-out.

“What, are we seriously talking about this with a perp in the backseat?” he demands, voice hushed but panicked. Rollins laughs silently at his gracelessness.

“Judy’s not saying a word, he’s Mirandized. This isn’t his first arrest, he knows his rights. Also, I don’t think he’ll be a problem since he’s asleep, Detective.”

Carisi whirls around to see their captured perp, one Doug Judy, dozing in the backseat. His hands are cuffed and folded neatly in his lap as he huffs a quiet snore, his head rolling back.

“Right,” mumbles Carisi. “You were saying?” he asks, gesturing for her to continue, calmly attempting to regain his poise.

“I was saying!” Rollins exclaims, openly laughing at him now. “Before I was interrupted by your freakout about the nefarious car thief in our backseat, I was saying that we should do this right. So, what do you like?”

“What do I like?” repeats Carisi, understanding fully what she was asking but dumbfounded nonetheless, always bewildered by Rollins’s straightforward, no-bullshit attitude.

“Sure, what do you like in bed? Do you have preferred positions? A particular fantasy?” She’s purposefully teasing him now, poking him for another panicky reaction. Hoping to see his face turn red or to hear him fumbling for words.

“I don’t know. It’s sex. Nothing complicated,” Carisi says quickly, before reprimanding himself. If she’s asking, he might as well spill.

“What, you got nothin’? Nothing pushes your buttons, curls your toes?”

“You push my buttons.” Carisi mumbles, a half-assed attempt at a comeback.

“Yeah, I do, that’s why we work so well together,” Rollins agrees, before worrying that she’s come off too forward. “I mean, the sex is great, isn’t it?” As she peers to her right to observe Carisi’s response, she realizes she’s got what she wanted: he’s as red as a tomato. A smile forms on his face--subtle, but she knows it’s definitely there because she can see the indent of his dimples too. She has to tear her eyes away to look back at the road.

“It is. I guess there is something.” Carisi says tentatively.

“Anything. Tell me.”

“I… really like…” His voice getting quieter by the second, Rollins has to strain to hear the last word. “Hickeys.”

“What!” Rollins laughs so hard she worries she’s woken up the perp in the backseat. She darts her eyes to the rearview mirror to make sure Judy is still passed out.

“What, what?” Carisi asks, defensive.

“What are we, in high school?” she asks when she’s caught her breath. “Carisi, as an adult man your favorite thing about sex is getting hickeys?”

“Never said it was my favorite thing,” he huffs. “It feels good.”

“Whatever floats your boat.”

“What? I got a sensitive neck.”

“Good thing there’s so much of it.”

Carisi looks over to Rollins, questioningly.

“Giraffe,” she says, by way of explanation. He laughs at the insult, shakes his head.

“You sure know how to turn on the dirty talk, Rollins.”

She doesn’t say anything, in the moment, but she’s personally offended by the insinuation that she can’t dirty talk. She makes him swallow his words later that night though, as he whines under the pressure of her lips on his neck and she leaves marks that she tells him mean that he is hers.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> well that took a pg-13 turn at the end. and yeah i stan doug judy sue me lol  
> i hope yall enjoyed, ty for the lovely feedback last chapter! leave a comment if u got any suggestions or anything else to say!


End file.
